it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
