new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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