Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
