You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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