so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
