made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
