The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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