The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
