she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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