forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
