Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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