am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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