Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Pants are for mortals
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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