i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
