he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize