He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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