I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
