I got chris browned last night
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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