He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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