"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
