dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
