My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I wear drunk well.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
