I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
