Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
