I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
it glows. i had to have it.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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