If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
