Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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