I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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