My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
