Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
