I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
