Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
