I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
