Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
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