i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Randomize
