Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
