Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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