She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
