I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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