woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
