Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
