so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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