So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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