you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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