Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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