You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
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What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
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He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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