I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
