I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
