We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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