Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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