The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
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Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
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Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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