HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She's the barista slut.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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