I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
