It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
