So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
