Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
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On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
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You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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