Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
