i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
