Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
