I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
