The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
