Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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