love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
