somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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