I haven't been this sober since birth.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
