Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
