I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
